Dealing with Heartbreak
by Marauder'sFlower
Summary: What do you do when your heart is broken? Do you move on? Do you pretend everything is fine? Or do you run into the arms of the friend you know will never hurt you? OneShot


Lily ran into the Head's common room and sank to the ground. She hid her face in her hands as she gasped for breath between sobs.

"Lily? What's wrong?" James Potter had joined her on the floor. It was the middle of the night, he should have been asleep, but James had an uncanny way of knowing when Lily needed him. He lifted her face. Her tear-filled eyes gazed into his hazel ones before she turned away.

"It's nothing," she whispered. "I can't believe I'm so upset. I'll be fine. Don't worry."

James didn't believe her. Lily was not a girl who cried often. Her friends often joked that she didn't have tear ducts because she always seemed to be smiling. When she was upset it was more with anger and a frown than with tears.

"Lily, tell me what happened. Why were you out at two in the morning?" He turned her face toward him again, and she didn't turn away this time.

"I was doing patrol with a Ravenclaw prefect and I heard some news. It took all the energy I had to appear as if I wasn't bothered, but as soon as patrol ended I ran to a classroom and cried." Her voice became choked and the tears kept pouring down her face. James wrapped his arms around her but she pushed him off. The look on her face was full of pain. "What do you do when your heart is broken?"

James leaned on the wall, still seated on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him. "It would depend on the kind of heartbreak."

She moved next to him and sat in the same position. "How many kinds are there?"

"Lots. There are so many types of love so of course you'll get many different heartaches. For example, I love Sirius in a very close, brotherly, best friend way. If one day he decided to follow his family and become a Death Easter I'm pretty sure it'd break my heart. Then there's a more compassionate kind. You heard the news of the little boy orphaned because his parents were killed by Death Eaters. I have never met him, but my heart broke for him."

Lily leaned again James's shoulder. In the few months they'd been friends, he still continually surprised her by being sweet and sensitive when he wanted to be.

"I was thinking more about a romantic heartbreak."

"That can be different too, depending on the situation. A long-time boyfriend will break your heart differently then a crush will."

"How about a flirting-all-the-time-not-quite-dating kind of heartbreak?"

"Is this about David?"

Lily nodded and the tears came again. This time she let James hold her. "I just don't understand how you lead a girl on; flirt, introduce her to your friends, giving her meaningful glances, and then suddenly ignore her. And you never give her an explanation, but instead let her find out from a younger housemate of yours that you just started dating someone else. I've been so confused the last few days, but now that I know, I'd rather have the confusion. It's no fun having a broken heart."

James ran his fingers through her hair. "Did you love him?"

Lily pulled back and stared at James with a frown. "No, of course not. But that doesn't help."

"Maybe not now, but it makes all the difference. You'll get over him. But if you had loved him - really loved him, and you couldn't imagine being with anyone else for the rest of your life – that would be different. The pain would be there every second of everyday. You'd do whatever you could to make it better, to act as if you were ok, but the mention of that person's name would hurt. You'd have to teacher yourself to be happy with whatever life gives, even if that means watching the love of your life being happy with someone else."

James's eyes had gotten cloudy as he stared at the wall. Lily knew he had forgotten he was talking to her. James was lost in his own thoughts, but then his eyes drifted to her and he snapped back into comforting-friend mode.

"Well," he coughed. "I just mean that you'll be fine after some time. The sting might be there a while longer, but the break in your heart will mend pretty soon. In a few days you'll have your eye on another guy."

Lily hugged him. "You're the best friend a girl could ask for."

James sighed as he returned the hug.

He was right. Lily filled the pain of being snubbed by turning her interest to other boys. She never kept her feelings focused on one guy for more than a day and consequently toyed with many boys' hearts that week. She found comfort being the heartbreak now. James never said a word to her about it, but she knew he was disappointed in her. This made her uncomfortable, but didn't keep her from doing it. James was her life's only constant and she knew no matter what she did, he'd be by her side the second she called.

Two weeks after initially getting heartbroken, Lily was in a particularly flirty mood. She had seated herself between two sixth year Gruffindor boys and was batting her eyes at both of them. As she flipped her hair over one shoulder ad laughed, she locked eyes with James for a moment. His expression looked so sad and full of pity that she felt the guilt hit her full fore. She stopped finding enjoyment in the adoring glances from the boys beside her. She excused herself and hid in the library. Hours were spent staring at the rows of books as Lily reminded herself who she was and what she wanted.

When she returned to her common room and caught sight of James on the couch reading, she burst into tears and ran into his arms.

"I'm sorry." she said quietly. "I don't know what I've been doing. I just wanted to feel special and flirting with every guy I could just seemed to remind me that boys really could like me. I never want to have my heart broken again."

"You and me both." James rocked her until she stopped crying.

"Know the funny part?" she asked with half a grin. "I don't even miss David. My pride is what's hurt. You were right about how quickly I'd get over him. How'd you become such an expert on heartbreak?"

"I've experienced it to the fullest." he replied with no emotion in his voice.

Lily sighed and cuddled into his chest. "Will you tell me what it's like?"

"What what's like?"

"Being in love."

James stiffened. "What makes you think I'm in love?"

"I know you, James Potter. Just tell me what it's like." Her tears had dried and she had a hint of tease in her voice.

He sighed and absentmindedly played with her hair. "To me it's the most painful feeling in the world. Don't ever fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back. It hurts to know I'm not the one making her smile. Watching her cry and knowing I can't hold her and make it better, wanting to protect her from every ache in the world and not being able to, holding back my feelings for her although I feel as if I'll explode; it all makes it hard to smile some days."

Lily could hear the pain in his voice and see the hurt on his face. She squeezed his hand.

"It's not all bad though. Seeing her smile gives me inexpressible joy. When she does something impressive I feel proud of her. Moments when she acknowledges my existence make my heart do a crazy little dance. Sometimes, I catch her eye and remember that I'll never love anyone else for as long as I live."

They were silent for a long time, each lost in thought.

"Thank you." said Lily softly. She still held his hand and traced the lines with her fingers.

"For what?"

"For making me feel special." She looked him in the eye and he could see she knew who he'd been talking about. "I spent a long time in the library tonight. I haven't been myself since I got caught in a whirlwind with David. I did a deep search of my feelings and do you know what I found?"

James shook his head and didn't let his hopes rise.

"I found that you make me smile. When I cry, you're the one who comforts me from whatever comes my way. You never try to confuse me, instead you show your feelings."

Lily shifted in his lap to look at him better and ran her thumb across his face. "Today you looked at me in such a sad, disappointed way and I realized that the reason your look hurt my heart so much was because I knew you would never try to break my heart." Her voice caught in her throat but she giggled it away before she could start crying. "I realized that I could have saved myself from chaos and grief if I hadn't spent so much time looking for love. As if you weren't enough. As if I didn't love you as much as you love me."

James's eyes were wide, but the rest of his face showed nothing. He was keeping his heart carefully guarded.

"Do you really mean that?" His voice sounded like a little lost boy's.

She nodded with a small smiled. "I'll never fight your love again."

He pressed his lips to her hair and continued holding her, letting the thought sink in. Lily sat patiently. She had gotten her time in the library, and now it was his turn to just think.

Suddenly, he slipped his arm under her knees and picked her up as he jumped to his feet. Lily shrieked in surprise and then laughed. The James Potter grin was displayed on his face in full force. He looked at her tenderly and placed her on her own two feet. She barely had a chance to register where she was before James pulled her in for a kiss. Lily's heart pounded as she grinned and laced her fingers in his hair.

When she pulled away, breathless, she pressed his hand to her neck so he could feel her racing heart beat.

"You know," her eyes sparkled. "I have a feeling my heart has been effectively fixed."

He chuckled as he placed her hands on his chest. His heart was fluttering faster than on the day of the Quidditch Cup game. "Mine too."

* * *

**A/N: I don't normally like writing sad things, but I'm a writer who writes from the heart and I recently had a very similar experience. The difference is that I just cried to my best friend and didn't end up with a happily ever after, not yet anyway. So although this story made me cry while I was writing it, it helped me out. I think everyone has their heart broken at some point, and it's nice to know that happy ending do exist.  
**


End file.
